Down and Out on Baker Street

inarduisfidelis:

Kicking arse and taking names. Saving my flatmate’s life. Taking my fiancée out on a date. Stroking my fabulous moustache a lot.

• Compiling shopping lists and texting them to my flatmate while he’s at work.
• Annoying members of the constabulary.
• Practicing the violin.
• Dreaming up ways to humiliate my older brother in public.
• Using my charm to get free cups of tea out of my landlady.
• Conducting dangerous experiments in my kitchen.
• Practice looking bored and insouciant for when my flatmate gets home.
• Stealing body parts from St Bart’s morgue.
• Popping down to the pharmacists for a fresh supply of nicotine patches.
• Forgetting to get the milk on the way home.
• Cleaning my flatmates gun because I’m nice like that.
• Tweeting random insults to my arch enemy.
• De-linting my coat.
• Look bored and insouciant when my flatmate gets home from work.
• Have a bath while my flatmate cooks dinner.
• Eat dinner. Forget to look grateful.
• Watch terrible reality TV all evening.
• Mock my flatmates typing skills.
• Charm another cup of tea out of my landlady.
• Check latest experiment hasn’t melted kitchen table.
• Pretend helping with the washing up is beneath me.
• Spend the rest of the night wondering why my flatmate is sulking in his room.